


One for the Road: An Hour in the Life of…

by verfound



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Atlantean Kwamis, Bodyswap, Dingo's having a Bad Week, F/M, Ininko Montoya, Light crack, Lukas having a Bad Day, birthday fic, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verfound/pseuds/verfound
Summary: Luka just got back into his own body, man.  Can’t he get five seconds to enjoy it before another akuma messes it up?
Relationships: Dingo King/Brielle Girard, Luka Couffaine/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38
Collections: Crikey!  A Wild Dingo has Appeared!





	One for the Road: An Hour in the Life of…

**Author's Note:**

  * For [feminaexlux](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feminaexlux/gifts).



> Feminaexlux has this amazing little body swap AU ([A Day or Three in the Life of…](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872670)), and ages ago there was a spitball about what if Luka and Dingo swapped. It’s also her birthday today, and while this is NOT the fic I was gonna try and get done for that…that particular fic is massively entailed and still in outlining mode and definitely not going to get done in time. Like that’s gonna be a goal for 2021, definitely. xD So have this bit of silliness instead, because the body swap slayed me~
> 
> There’s some adult content ahead, but it’s mostly fade-to-blacky. This is a whole bunch of silliness with very little plot. Lani, I hope you enjoy. xD (Also I would DEFINITELY read the In the Life Of… fics first, as this completely round robins off of them. The only detail I changed is identities being known, and that was just Plot Convenience. xD)

Luka was not having a very good day.

Well.

That wasn’t entirely true.

His day had started out…awesome. His past few days had started out awesome, ever since whatever the hell had happened that had landed him in Marinette’s body for a few days had been reversed. That part – the actual body swap – hadn’t been the _best_ experience, but it hadn’t been awful, and it had worked out in the end. Sure, there were some things he could’ve done without – that awkward as hell date with Adrien Agreste, for one – but even that hadn’t been awful, as the date had ended with…well. Marinette finger-fucking him while in his body – while he was in hers – had been an _experience,_ to say the least, and just further proved his point that ultimately the experience hadn’t been the worst.

In the sense that Marinette was now his girlfriend, and he’d woken up every day since they’d switched back in her bed with an armful of snuggly Marinette, it had definitely worked out. He was not about to start complaining about how very much it had definitely worked out.

It had still been working out that morning, when he had woken up to slow, lazy – tentative – kisses against his neck (and ok, he wasn’t as ticklish as Marinette, but damn that was still a sensation he was never going to get enough of). Kisses that had quickly turned to more once he was properly awake and able to reciprocate, pulling her up to his mouth to return those quickly-becoming-heated kisses. It had continued working out as he’d rolled her onto her back and her hand had slipped into his boxers, reaching for the dick that had already been straining for her attention.

And then there’d been a tugging sensation somewhere around his navel (or his forehead), and then a jerking, and then it hadn’t been working out at all.

The tugging turned into something more akin to a freefall, and his eyes snapped open to find he was no longer in Marinette’s nice, cozy, warm bed. He was hurtling towards a street, the asphalt colored a strange blue as he opened his mouth to scream and… _Dingo’s voice came out?_

…the shit? The fucking shit hell damn shit did his best friend do _now?_

As Luka tucked his shoulder and prepared to roll, he had the slightly murderous thought that there was absolutely no fucking way he was ever going to get back into his body again. There was no way in hell he was willingly going to make Dingo orgasm.

Fucking _gross_.

– V –

Dingo was not having a very good day.

And that was putting it _mildly_.

It had started off with yet _another_ lecture from Inkki about what a shitty Guardian he was, and all because he had ‘lost’ the Starfish Miraculous. _Three thousand years floating around the bottom of the sea and_ I _never lost_ one _of them,_ Inkki had proudly – sternly, stubbornly, _annoyingly_ – reminded him every morning for about a week now. And Dingo had been looking _everywhere_ , but he had yet to find Asterr or her gem. He had a _pretty good_ idea she was being used (once Inkki had explained her power, _Star-Crossed_ , he suddenly understood Luka and Marinette’s…er… _personality issues_ of the past few days a lot better), but that didn’t mean he’d had any luck actually finding her.

He still didn’t understand how she could have gone missing. He had thought she was safe in the Miracle Box, which he had _thought_ was safely hidden in his room, but apparently not. What’s worse, there had been quite a few people – including people he didn’t know – through their flat lately thanks to a few assignments and a show Bri was trying to put together for a class, so really… _anyone_ could have found the box. _Anyone_ could have her.

It just looked like an old box to the unsuspecting eye, after all. Easily mistaken for a trinket box or, given its contents, Brielle’s jewelry box.

Inkki was right. He _was_ a shitty Guardian. Classic fuck-up, that was him.

And then he’d been running late to his first class because he was still looking for Asterr’s choker, and he’d been tired as hell because he couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t find Asterr, and while he’d been in line for coffee _an akuma had struck and Chat Noir and Ladybug were nowhere to be found_.

Which left Ininko Montoya to handle shit until they showed up.

Which…wasn’t always the best plan. Ininko was a better distraction than an akuma-stopper. Ladybub could solo akumas all the day long – she’d been doing so since she was a kid – and Cat Nerd...well. The same could mostly be said about him. He’d been doing the gig as long as Ladybug, so he knew what he was doing, at least (even if he was more laid-back about it). The same could be said for the other heroes. Even though Viperion’s powers worked better in the background, he could still handle his own in a fight. But Ininko? Ininko had only been on the scene for a few months, and he was still figuring shit out. He was just as likely to ink Chat as he was to ink the akuma some days. He wasn’t _awful_ , but he was…well, chaotic. Unorganized. Not untrained, but you’d probably think so.

Which is probably why he got zapped in the first place.

He’d been on the…defensive, ok, _fine he’d been running away while screaming for backup into his communicator_ , when the akuma had zapped him with a…laser beam? Something. Dingo – _Ininko_ – wasn’t entirely sure, as he still hadn’t actually caught the akuma’s name or purpose in the chaos of the fight. She’d been shooting glowy lights out of a gem on her forehead, though, and glowy lights typically meant _lasers_ , and it had certainly felt like a laser when it blasted into him. He’d been thrown off the roof, and the next thing he knew he was hurtling towards the ground.

Or…he thought he’d been? God, he was _so tired_ , and there hadn’t been a _splat_. He was pretty sure hurtling towards concrete usually ended with a bone-crunching _splat_. Was he dead? He could be dead. He’d been arguing with Inkki for _months_ now that his ‘suit’ wasn’t safe enough: it was only a matter of time before one of Empress’s akumas did some serious harm. So that was it, then. He was dead. He was…

…oh. _Oh._ Ok. He was pretty sure you couldn’t feel your dick when you were dead. And he could definitely feel his dick. He could definitely feel the slightly-rough hand gently tugging and pulling it, the thumb sweeping along the tip, the fingers pressing into the underside, and he could definitely feel the lips kissing his…not his dick ok but his neck. Ok. Ok.

Shit he was tired. Had it all just been a dream, then? It wouldn’t be the first time he’d dreamed about getting thrown off a building. He…

“Bri, babe, hold…on…” he panted, but that…that wasn’t his voice. That was…

His eyes snapped open. He didn’t recognize the ceiling above him, but he knew for a fact Bri would _never_ hang _pink_ fabric above the bed.

“ _Bri?_ ” aaand that was _definitely_ not Bri’s voice. Or face. God-fucking-dammit, that was _Marinette_ glaring at him like he’d just…

…shit.

Shit fucking hell damn shit fuck _SHIT_ –

“I’m gonna give you two seconds to tell me why you’re saying _Brielle’s_ name while I jerk you off before I just _jerk it off_ ,” Marinette said tersely, squeezing his… _Luka’s_ dick a little painfully as she glared down at him. Because he’d opened his fucking mouth and _Lulu’s voice_ came out. Because he was pretty sure he was in Marinette’s bed. In Luka’s body. In Marinette’s bed. And no wonder Ladybug hadn’t been answering her comms, if she was currently untransformed and in bed with…she squeezed again, and he realized he’d just been staring at her during the _two seconds_ she’d given to explain himself. “Luka. Why did you just call me _Bri?_ ”

“I’MNOTLULUI’MDINGO!” he shrieked, which was apparently not the right thing to say, either, because it just made Marinette grip him tighter, which…ow? Ow ow _ow ow ow?_ Her eyes were still narrowed in a glare.

“…say that again?” she ordered, and he’d do anything she told him to if she’d just _stop trying to squeeze his…Luka’s…his fucking dick off_. He slapped at her hand, and she jerked back in surprise. “…did you just hit me?”

“Stop trying to damage the goods, baby girl!” he whined, and God Luka’s voice sounded _weird_ with his accent. Like…his mouth knew how to make the sounds, but they were coming out all wrong? What the shit? Now he was just tired and had a headache – he needed a fucking drink, and it wasn’t even noon. “I said _I’m not Lulu!_ ”

“…oh my God no,” Marinette squeaked. He reached down and tried to stuff himself back into his boxers, but Luka had been _very_ into what Marinette had been doing and it was a little ha… _difficult_. Damn it. Fucking damn it! “Oh my God no!”

“Yeah, pretty sure you’re gonna want him in proper working order when you fix this,” Dingo sighed. He stretched his jaw a little, frowning as he glared down his nose at where his mouth should be. “God, I sound weird.”

“ _Dingo?!_ ” Marinette squeaked. He looked up at her to find her face was a vibrant red – at least what he could see around the hands she’d slapped over her mouth. Her eyes had blown wide, and she was blinking at him like… “Oh my God. _Oh my God!_ Not again!”

“At least he’s a fucking mate this time,” Dingo groaned. He pushed himself up on the bed and looked around. Ok. So he was assuming, from all the pink and the sewing machine and the very-muchly-not-Luka’s-Room (he’d been there before), they were in Mari’s room. Which meant Luka – and his body – actually wasn’t too far away. The café was maybe a block from here? Maybe two? Close enough that they could transform and hop over a few roofs and kick the akuma’s butt in no time. If Luka hadn’t already done so – he was better at this whole superhero thing than Dingo was, after all. “Easy fix. We got this.”

“We most certainly _do not!_ ” Marinette squeak-shrieked. Dingo looked back at her, blinking. She looked _pissed_. “I don’t care if you’re in my boyfriend’s body – I still know it’s you, and I am _not_ making you come!”

… _what?_

“What the fu–?” he tried to ask, but she was still shouting at him.

“And there’s no way I’m letting _you_ touch me! Even if it is with Luka’s hands! It’s still _you_ , and I will _kill you_ , and _Luka_ will kill you, and…oh my God I’m going to have to date Luka in your body! Oh, gross! Gross, gross, gro–!!!” she cried, tugging on her hair as she shook her head. He puffed his cheeks out in an annoyed scowl and reached over, flicking her nose to stop her spiral. She blinked stupidly at him. He already hadn’t been in the best mood, but he was fucking _pissed_ now.

“What the fucking hell, Mari?!” he snapped. “First: _fucking rude!_ You’d be _lucky_ to date me – ask Bri! I’ve got _goods_ , baby girl!”

…she looked a bit green at that. He supposed it was an improvement over the red, but it was still _rude_.

“Second: _what the shit are you talking about?_ ” he huffed, crossing his arms over Luka’s bare chest. God, this was _weird_. “Why would…you know I love you and Luka too much to touch you! Why would I touch you? Why would you have to touch me? Did I not in fact just have you _stop_ touching me when I realized what had happened? What the _fuck_ , Marinette?”

“…to switch back,” she said, and it was so straightforward and said so simply that for a moment Dingo wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. He actually reached up and pressed a finger against Luka’s ear, rubbing as if he was trying to clear it.

“Come…come again?” he asked, shaking his head.

“That was how we switched back the other night,” Marinette said. Her face was red again. Dingo just blinked at her. “I…it had been a really _weird_ night, ok? And…and we started…um…”

“…oh my God,” Dingo gaped, blinking at her. Of course he’d known that they’d switched back, but all Luka had told him was that they’d confessed they still had feelings for the other. And that they’d kissed. He’d alluded to more, but Luka was nothing if not a gentleman, so he hadn’t actually come out and said he’d fucked her (Dingo had assumed, especially when Luka had spent the past two nights with her, but Luka hadn’t actually _said_ ). But that…did he…they didn’t actually think…what, they did the horizontal do and wham-bammed their way back into their own bodies? What the _shit?_ “You don’t honestly think…Mari. Baby girl. It was an _akuma_.”

“Yeah, we know,” she huffed. “Look, I don’t get it, either, but after he…after…” She coughed, and Dingo’s eyebrows soared. He didn’t think she could get any redder, but damn the girl could blush. “…after we got each other off, we switched back. What else could it have been?”

“…and I gave him shit when he implied it was some kinda _True Love’s Kiss_ bullshit,” Dingo snickered. Marinette grabbed a pillow and beat him with it. “Oh come on! Did you just hear yourself?! When has an akuma’s powers _ever_ been defeated by an orgasm?!”

Marinette didn’t answer – she just started blinking at him again – but at least she lowered the pillow. He grabbed it from her and threw it across the room.

“I _meant_ this time it’s an akuma! I was fighting one a few blocks over, and it hit me! I have no fucking clue why it zapped me into Luka’s body, but I’m ninety percent sure if we just go beat the akuma Lulu and I’ll switch back!” he huffed, climbing off the bed. He glared down at Luka’s lap, thankful to notice the hard-on had significantly wilted after everything, and angrily shoved the dick back in his boxers. He glanced over his shoulder as he bent to grab Luka’s jeans off the floor. Marinette was still blinking at him like the idiot he knew she wasn’t. “Marinette!”

“R-right! Sorry!” she squeaked, jumping off the bed and shaking her head. She glanced down at herself, her face turning red again as she realized she was only wearing a thin camisole and her knickers, but Dingo was quite honestly beyond caring. He technically had seen her in less (or about the same) when she’d sunbathed on the boat. He still looked away as she darted towards her closet, though, because he supposed it was the decent thing to do.

“And…just so you know…I’m not so sure it was an akuma. The last time. With you and Lulu,” he added. The slide of a drawer stopped abruptly, and he glanced over to find her paused over her half-open dresser drawer. He sighed and finished yanking Luka’s jeans on. “We’ll talk later. But…I may have lost a Miraculous. I think someone was deliberately fucking with you guys.”

“…yeah,” Marinette said, her voice suddenly heavy. He winced as she slammed the drawer shut. A moment later, she was dressed and calling for her transformation. The glare on Ladybug’s face chilled his blood a little. “Right. Let’s go stop this akuma. I want you out of my boyfriend’s body when I punch you in the face.”

– V –

Luka gave Dingo a lot of shit. It was just part of the package by this point, when your best friend was a dumbass of Dingo’s caliber. Don’t get him wrong: Dingo was great, and he loved the guy, he really did. It was just…at the end of the day, he was still _Dingo_ , and while Luka knew he’d still get in plenty of trouble on his own he just had this feeling that somewhere out there in the grand scheme of the multiverse was a Luka Couffaine who had never met Dingo King.

His life was probably a lot more boring, but he was also probably the disappointment of the Couffaine family. He was probably only on a first-name basis with Roger Raincomprix because of all the times he’d had to bail his ma out of jail, not the other…well. He still had to bail Anarka out plenty, but Anarka had also had to bail him out a few times, too. Usually him _and_ Dingo, actually (Dingo was a Boat Kid by this point, and the family fund paid his bail money, too).

Still. Luka was going to give Dingo _so much shit_ for this one, and he wasn’t even going to feel guilty about it.

He’d gotten the akuma subdued in about ten minutes. Maybe less, actually. The power of the Octopus Miraculous was paralyzing ink, so once he’d had a clear shot (which had only taken a short chase through the city, after he’d hit the pavement) stopping her (he was pretty sure it was a her, at least) was relatively easy. He didn’t exactly have any means to purify the akuma, though, so he hadn’t bothered even looking for the item. Instead, he’d hauled the akuma over his shoulder and began running towards Marinette’s dorm, where he was ninety-nine percent sure Dingo had landed in _his_ body.

He hoped he had, at least. The last thing any of them needed was an akuma throwing people about willy-nilly into any random stranger’s body. It was bad enough he’d been swapped with Dingo after just getting un-swapped with Marinette. God, he needed a vacation…

He was just grateful for the enhanced physical abilities of the Miraculous. After years of hauling stage equipment, Dingo was fairly fit, but he still didn’t have the upper-body strength Luka had from growing up on a boat ( _and_ years of hauling stage equipment _and_ years of fighting akumas). The akuma was kind of heavy.

He landed on the roof of Marinette’s building a short run later. Thankfully, it was still kind of early on a Tuesday, and there weren’t many people around. He peered over the side of the building, still not entirely used to the blue of Ininko’s goggles that colored everything, and counted out the windows. With a better idea of where he was going, he leapt off the roof, angling himself so he could catch the ledge by Marinette’s window. His bare feet braced against the brick, and after taking a breath he looked up to the window…

…and straight into Ladybug’s startled blue eyes. Her booted foot was by his hand, and his other hand hovered awkwardly by her calf – where her window should have been, which he’d been preparing to knock on. She blinked at him, and he blinked back through Ininko’s goggles.

“… _Luka?”_ she whispered, and his lips twisted in a wry little smile as he nodded.

“Please tell me he’s in my body,” he said. She started to nod, but then her face scrunched up in an adorable little frown.

“God, and I thought your voice with Dingo’s accent was weird…” she laughed, shaking her head. She grabbed his hand and hauled him into the window before anyone could spot one of Paris’s supers hanging off the side of the building. As soon as he’d set the akuma down, she pulled him into a hug. “I don’t like this. It’s _weird_.”

“Same,” he sighed. Dingo wasn’t as tall as he was, and hugging her felt _off_. “It’s –”

Whatever he was going to say was cut off in a grunt as another body – his own body – slammed into them, wrapping his arms around them and deadlifting them from the ground.

“Oh, thank God!” Dingo cried, and Ladybug was right: his voice did sound weird in Dingo’s accent. He shoved at him, snapping at him to let go, but Dingo-in-Luka just squeezed them tighter. “I knew you’d get ‘em! My beautiful body! Ok, ok.”

He put them down and Luka stepped back with a scowl.

“Ding, what…” he started, but then he actually got a good look at him. Dingo hadn’t bothered transforming (he had been about to when…er… _Lukinko_ had arrived, not that Luka knew that), and he had only actually thrown his jeans on. So Dingo was still standing there in Luka’s body, bare-chested, which only reminded Luka of how very _not dressed_ he’d been when they’d swapped. His eyes narrowed in a glare. Dingo blinked at him with his own eyes, which darted down to the hand he had fisted at his side, and that just pissed him off even more. He hated that his hands were such a giveaway to his mood, and he hated that Dingo knew that (enough to tell Marinette and enough to check). “…Ding. Buddy. _Please tell me you didn’t –”_

“NO!” Dingo shouted, throwing his arms up and shaking his head violently. “No, no, no, no, no! Absolutely not! I mean _she_ did, but I stopped her right away and let her know it was me! Not…goddammit, Couffaine, calm down! Nothing happened!”

“Luka, you’re _glowing_ ,” Ladybug whispered at him, and he blinked at her. He was _what?_

He turned to glance at the mirror above her sink, and his eyebrows soared. Well, holy shit. The blue beads woven into Ininko’s dreads actually _were_ glowing. That…was actually kinda cool?

“I didn’t know I could do that,” Dingo said, sounding amused. “That is _sick_. I like that. That is awesome, that is.”

“Oh my God, I need to get back in my own body,” Luka groaned, shoving his goggles up – or trying to, because they weren’t actually moving, which just…kinda sucked? – to rub at his face. He looked over at Ladybug and jerked a thumb towards the akuma, who was thankfully still out. “Mind doing your thing, Bug?”

She laid a hand on his bare shoulder and squeezed, and somehow…it didn’t magically fix everything, but it made him feel worlds better. He felt his face relax into an easy smile, and she leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Let’s get you back,” she whispered, her gloved hand hovering over his chest – over his heart. Even in Dingo’s body, he could feel it jump under her attention. “Any clue where the akuma is?”

“She was shooting lasers outta the thing on her forehead,” Dingo said, walking over and…kicking at the gem. Ladybug glared at him.

“Dingo!” she snapped. “Is that really necessary? That’s still a person in there!”

“Tch,” Dingo scoffed, kicking the gem a little harder. “Right now it’s an akuma. Finding it a bit hard to care.”

“Heartless,” Ladybug sighed. She walked over and knelt down beside the akuma to run a finger along the gem. She could sense the butterfly inside, the dark energy that powered Empress’s akumas at its strongest point in the gem. She nodded and drew her fist back. “Sorry, mademoiselle.”

And promptly punched the akuma in the face.

(Well. In her forehead, but that was technically part of her face?)

Purple-black miasma surrounded the victim, but Ladybug was already standing to catch the akuma. Everything sorted itself in quick order after that: she said the magic words, and when she opened the yoyo a purified, white butterfly fluttered off. A blonde girl she kind of recognized from around campus was now sleeping on her floor where the akuma had been. Everything _should_ have been fixed.

…except there had been no Lucky Charm. Ininko… _Lukinko_ had dealt with the akuma before she could summon one, and she had gone and purified the akuma before summoning it like an _idiot_. So when she turned back towards Lukinko and…Dingka? God, her brain was starting to hurt. When she turned back towards _Luka and Dingo_ , Ininko was still standing there with his hands on his hips and slightly slouched in a very Luka pose and Luka still had his arms crossed over his bare chest with his foot tapping out a rapid-fire beat against her floor in a very Dingo manner.

“…shoot,” she said. “Um. Crap.”

“Ok, where’re the ladybugs?” Dingo asked from Luka’s body. Luka sighed from inside Ininko, reaching up to pinch at the bit of skin between his eyebrows.

“She didn’t summon her Lucky Charm,” he groaned. “There are no ladybugs.”

“What? No! No, no, no!” Dingo cried, looking between Luka and Ladybug. “But…but…no! Your Miracle Cure has to fix this! This ain’t Asterr’s fault this time – this is an akuma! The Miracle Cure fixes what the akuma fucks up! Unfuck us, Ladybug!”

“I…I can’t…” Ladybug stammered, looking between them. Luka – Ininko – _whatever_ slapped the back of Dingo’s head before walking over to her. He took her hands in his own and rubbed his thumbs against her wrists.

“The Lucky Charm is summoned for a specific akuma, Ding,” he said, but he kept his eyes on her. “It’s…it’s ok, Mari. We’ll figure it out.”

“No!” she cried, throwing herself at his chest. “No, no, no! I am _not_ dating Dingo!”

“Agreed,” Luka chuckled, holding her close. His hand came up to rest on the back of her head, the bangles on Ininko’s wrist clinking. There was a beeping neither of them had had to pay attention to for a long time, so they didn’t. “You’re not dating Dingo, though. You’re dating _me_. I’m just…in Dingo’s body.”

“I don’t like Dingo’s body, though,” she mumbled against his chest, making him snort and Dingo pipe up with another offended _OI!_ “I like _yours_. And _Dingo’s_ inside it. And that’s _gross_.”

“Marinette…” he sighed, still chuckling as he bent to press his face against her shoulder. He was dimly aware of the frantic beeping, but he didn’t fully appreciate it until a golden flash surrounded him. Inkki slumped onto his shoulder before rolling onto Ladybug’s. Ladybug pulled back just enough to see _Dingo_ frowning at her, and she groaned again before ducking back against his chest, but it wasn’t the same. _He_ wasn’t the same. He felt wrong, he smelled wrong, and even though she knew it was _Luka_ and not _Dingo_ it was all just _wrong_. “Hey, come on. You sound like you only like me for my body.”

“That’s not funny,” she grumbled. He chuckled and kissed the top of her head, and she squirmed against him. “Luka, stop.”

“Never,” he sighed, holding her closer. “Didn’t I tell you, Marinette? Every day. I’m in this, for as long as you want me. _Me_ , no matter what the…er…casing is. Ok? We’ll fix this. I’m not gonna _bum you out_ just because I’m stuck in Dingo.”

“And _again_ , still right here,” Dingo grumbled from the dresser by the sink, where she’d arranged a mini kitchen of sorts. He was holding Inkki, but she didn’t remember him retrieving the kwami or Inkki flying over to him. He was rooting through her tea with a frown. “Don’t you have any coffee?”

“You know I’m not the biggest fan,” she said.

“Yeah, but _university_ ,” Dingo said, gesturing at the little box full of teabags. “Isn’t it a general rule you keep coffee around for guests and emergencies?”

“Read the room, Ding,” Luka sighed. Dingo spun on his heel, and Luka was again struck by how _weird_ his face looked when people who emoted used it.

“I _am_ reading the room,” Dingo huffed. He held up his kwami. “Look, way I sees it, we got two options here. You need an akuma to summon a Lucky Charm, right? A specific problem for the Lucky Charm to solve?”

“Er, yeah,” Ladybug said, nodding.

“This couldn’t count as a _specific problem_ , could it?” Luka asked, glancing back at her. Her brow furrowed, and he gestured vaguely into the air. “Like…‘oops, I forgot my Lucky Charm and there was akuma damage to fix, what do I do?’ Can…can Tikki work like that?”

“I…I haven’t exactly tried it before? Maybe?” she said slowly. She gave a little shrug. “It could be worth a try?”

“Then please, by all means,” Dingo said, snatching one of Tikki’s cookies off the dresser to feed to Inkki. “Please try it. ‘Cause the way I see it, if it don’t work, we’re either stuck like this or, once Inkki’s recharged, I take Little Miss Akuma somewhere, piss her off enough that Empress strikes again, and you pray the Lucky Charm for _that_ akuma solves our current problem.”

“Shut up, Dingo,” Luka sighed, pushing Dingo’s shades up to rub at his face. “Dear God I am not awake enough for this. I was asleep, Ding. I was _happy_ and _comfortable_ and –”

“Yeah, I know,” Dingo snorted. He shot Luka a wicked little grin that only made Luka want to punch him. “Maybe I shouldn’t’ve stopped Mari. If you two dumbasses actually thought mutual orgasms switched you back –”

“Ding!” Luka shouted. Ladybug had buried her face in her hands again, but he could see her ears were red.

“I was touching _you_ , I didn’t know it was _him_ , and now I want to punch the akuma again,” she grumbled. He reached out to squeeze her shoulder, but she jerked away from him. “No. Nope. Nope. No more hugs until we try this. I need to punch Dingo in the face, and I need you to be out of his body when I do it. Nope.”

Dingo opened his mouth to say something, and Luka shot him a warning look that had him snapping his mouth shut. Luka wasn’t used to seeing his face look so…annoyed. Angry. It was _weird_.

Ladybug pushed out a heavy sigh and took a few more steps away from him. She paced a few moments, swinging her yoyo a little restlessly, before she faced them and stopped. She nodded, her face set in a determined frown.

“Ok,” she said. “Right. Right. Ok. Let’s do this. Please work. Please, Tikki. Work. Lucky Charm!”

She threw her yoyo up, and they watched as it spun in a magical arc. A pink flash filled the room, and when it vanished…

…a condom dropped into her hand.

She squeaked, her face practically matching her suit, and Luka choked as he clapped a hand over his mouth. Dingo started _cackling_ , which sounded so wrong coming out of his body, and would have dropped Inkki if the poor guy hadn’t already had enough of the cookie to float to safety.

“Well, I guess that’s her way of telling us to _wrap it up_ ,” Dingo barked, and Luka didn’t care if it was his own body. He walked over to him and slapped him upside the head as hard as he could. Ladybug shot Dingo a glare before tossing the condom into the air with a cry of _Miraculous Ladybug_ , and he breathed a sigh of relief as the swarm of magical bugs surrounded them.

There was another tugging sensation, but when he opened his eyes again he was staring at Dingo, who was in his own body and staring back at him. Luka was dimly aware of the slight sting in the back of his head, and was only just noticing the manic grin curling Dingo’s lips, when he pulled his fist back and sent it flying towards Dingo’s nose.

“OW! MATE! BLEEDING HELL!” Dingo screeched, staggering back a few steps. He was pouting at him, but Luka was already making his way back to Ladybug. He crushed her against his chest, smiling when her arms wrapped just as tightly around him. She snuggled into him with a happy sigh, and he smiled as he pressed a kiss against her neck. It wasn’t as effective with her collar covering her skin, but she still shivered in his arms.

“Better?” he asked, voice low, and she nodded.

“You smell like you again,” she said. He chuckled and pressed another kiss to her neck. He pulled back and was about to kiss her properly when Dingo cleared his throat. They both shot him annoyed glares.

“Glad as I am to be back, shouldn’t we get rid of _her_ before she wakes up?” he asked, gesturing to the akuma victim still sleeping on Marinette’s floor. Ladybug groaned and ducked back against Luka’s chest.

“I just wanted a nice, lazy morning with my boyfriend,” she sighed. She stepped away, but she reached up to kiss Luka’s cheek before she picked up the akuma victim. “Is that too much to ask?”

“Hurry back,” Luka said quietly, smiling at her. She bit down on her own grin, her cheeks pinking beneath her mask.

“Yeah, that smile works a lot better on your own face,” she said. She paused by her window, stopping to shoot Dingo a look. “You…I mean, I want you gone by the time I get back, but we need to talk. Guardian to Guardian.”

…Dingo was kind of glad the implication was that they would talk _later_. He was still too tired for this shit. He’d missed his first class, anyway. He could go home and nap.

With Ladybug gone, a sort of awkward silence settled over the room. Dingo wasn’t used to things being _awkward_ with Luka. He didn’t like it.

“So…” he said, just for something to say, and Luka sighed.

“We’re cool, man,” he said, rubbing at his face again. “We’ll talk later. I don’t think any of us have had enough sleep for this, and…you kind of interrupted something. So just…go? Please?”

“Gone,” Dingo said, and a moment later he was.

Luka groaned and flopped back on Marinette’s bed, his palms still pressing against his eyes. He never, ever, _ever_ wanted to inhabit someone else’s body ever again. He was one hundred percent over this body-swap thing. He liked being him, and he liked Marinette being Marinette, and yeah, ok, he liked Dingo being Dingo. They could all just stay as they were, thanks.

…and, despite everything that had happened since he was first yanked out his body that morning, his dick was _still_ hard enough to hurt. Fuck.

He sighed and reached down, pulling his dick out of his boxers and wrapping his fingers around himself. Before he could get any further than that, a voice at the window interrupted him.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Ladybug asked, and he jumped in surprise. That had been quick. He lifted his head to find her looking at him with a grin he just wanted to kiss off her face. It was still a little surreal that he actually could. She hopped off the window sill, and he watched her make her way to her desk. She opened the top drawer, and he grinned as she pulled a condom out. “I believe that’s _my_ job now, Luka.”

“…well, Tikki _did_ tell us to…wrap it up,” he said, the snicker his words broke into completely ruining the husky tone he’d been aiming for. Ladybug dropped her transformation before crawling over him, and they both rolled their eyes at the tiny giggles they heard retreating to the Miracle Box.

The kwamis could be such little shits sometimes…

– V –

Dingo was _done_. He was tired, he was cranky, and he was calling it a fucking day. He was over everything.

He slammed his front door behind him, trudged his way over to the couch, and face-planted without so much as kicking his boots off. He was pretty sure he actually fell asleep, but it felt like no time at all had passed before the door was slamming again and Brielle was calling out his name. He let out a loud, obnoxious groan that was mostly muffled by the throw pillow trying to smother him.

“…are…are you ok?” she asked, and he flopped his head over to blink bleary eyes at her. He didn’t even remember taking his shades off.

“Long day,” he grumbled. She blinked again.

“Babe, it’s not even eleven o’clock,” she said.

“ _…oh my God why am I awake_ ,” he groaned a little louder. She laughed and shoved at his feet, moving them enough so she could sit beside him. He pushed himself up, but he just flopped onto her shoulder as soon as he was sitting. Her hand came up to smooth down his mohawk.

“Poor baby,” she snickered.

“Fuck you,” he snapped. He yelped when she reached down to squeeze his dick.

“If you insist…” she said, and he wasn’t sure what to call the noise that escaped him as he pushed himself back up.

“Babes, _always_ , just…not now, please,” he sighed. “I am _so tired_. It has been a _shitty_ week, and a long morning, and I’m _exhausted_. I mean, sure, do what you want, but I don’t have the energy to be an active participant.”

He looked up at her, and he was honestly surprised to see the concerned look on her face. Her hand came up to cup his cheek, the other running through his hair and resting on the back of his head. A softer sigh left him as he leaned into her touch. He lived for these moments, when she wasn’t as prickly and just…loved him. Unapologetically.

“…are you ok, Perry?” she asked, her voice as gentle as her touch. He turned his head to kiss her palm, and her fingers flexed against his cheek.

“Better for you, Bri,” he said, his hand coming up to wrap his fingers around her wrist. “Always better for you. I’m sorry. It’s just…”

“…been a long day, yeah,” she said. “I…kinda needed to talk to you about that, anyway. Well. About _long days_. Or something.”

He leaned back a little, blinking at her in confusion. His head tilted a bit to the side. She almost looked…nervous? Brielle _never_ looked nervous.

“You know that box you have on your bedside table?” she asked. He nodded slowly, and his eyes followed her hand as it left his hair to touch the choker he hadn’t noticed her ever wear before. She usually wore turtlenecks, and any necklaces (which were rare) were long statement pieces. Her neckline was lower today, though, and a thick black choker was wrapped around her neck. There was a piece of metal woven through the strap, a squiggly golden star shape. It was painfully familiar, but he knew he’d never seen it on _her_ before. “The one you brought back from your last trip home?”

He nodded again, even slower. His brain felt so _slow_. He was reminded of the Christmas they’d helped Marinette make gingerbread, and he’d watched her measure out the molasses for the batch. It had taken _forever_ , watching that thick, syrupy shit gloop out of the jar. His brain felt like that now. Brielle bit down on her lip, and he blinked at her. Was she…she was…but…

“So…” she said, still fingering that golden star charm, “…when were you going to tell me you’re Ininko Montoya?”


End file.
